nut hugger
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize