I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
