were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
