I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
