Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I cut my penus on the lid.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize