get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
