dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
