there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
