Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
