we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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