Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
