i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
