I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
