Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
