Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
