I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
