You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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