Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
