Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
