google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't notice because vodka
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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