Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
