Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
