guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
