So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
