More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
