somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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