i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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