do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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