My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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