we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
