I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
