His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
