how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
