Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize