Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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