There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We were destined to go to rehab together
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How does it feel to date your dad?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
