I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
