Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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