She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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