Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
