You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
handjob tips. give me some.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
