I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
