Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
