I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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