Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
