Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
