Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your cock deserves a montage
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
