I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
