Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
