I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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