I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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