Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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