Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize