I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
