I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
