Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
