Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
