i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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