Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
