the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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