wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize