I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
