There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
