no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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