i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
