no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
