So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
