Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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