State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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