He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
why does every cop we meet know your name?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
